As the sun rises over the ocean the skies turn to a fiery red. The Bright rays of sun bounce off the water straight into my eyes. The sunrise like an alarm bell for all the wildlife, as the animals slowly come to life they call to each other as if to say ‘Good Morning’.
Calmly bobbing on the surface of the ocean surfers wait for the perfect wave, these are the keen surfers, wake up before light to beat the intense crowds that come later in the day. Right in the middle of a pack of surfers a shipwreck pokes out of the water, standing tall like a proud solider. Waves crash down on the shoreline with the sound of a distant bomb, bringing with them an odd foam sitting stagnant on the waterline. No one knows where it comes from, some say its the froth from a whales coffee, but who knows.
As the sun moves higher in the sky the air warms up, this urges people to come out from their overnight hibernation. Within a short amount of time the best coffee shops have lines out the door. Everyone eager to get that morning caffeine rush, you could compare them to soldiers getting their daily rashons, lining up tired and unhappy but becoming joyful once they receive that warm bowl of beef stew. As the crowds of people disperse around the beach, coffee’s in hand, they go on with their day. Some enjoy the sunshine lying on the beach, their bodies sizzling in the sun, their once white skin slowly turns bright red like the devils back. Some choose not to brave the heat and make the choice to take refuge in the shade of the large pines that tower over the beach.
When the air becomes unbearably muggy people bath in the salty water of the ocean. Stuffy air has people feeling faint and in need of a cool down, the best remedy for that is the refreshing water of the Pacific Ocean. Exiting the water with empty stomachs people head straight towards the smell of food, the local fish and chip shop gets a wave of hungry customers along with some scavenging seagulls.
Slowly the day people head home and there’s a change in feel to the town as the nightlife kicks in. The sun sets over the surrounding hills but it doesn’t change the temperature, still very muggy. Sweat still dripping down my face from all the moisture in the air, a salty taste, a mix of sweat and salt air. Crowds begin to form on the beachfront waiting for some live music to top off the day. As the busker fiddles around with is equipment the faint sound of bongos could be heard like a heard of horses running in the background. The drum circle is filled with people who could be classified as hippies, baggy colorful pants, long hair, some with dread locks and most of them carrying a smell of marijuana with them. Waves pound against the rock wall, splashes of water reach to where the drummers have set up on the wall. Soon the sound of the bongos is drowned out by hundreds of loud screeches from above. Covered with black specs the sky is filled with an army of bats as migrate across the town. Its a rare sight to see anywhere else but here it happens every night as the sun sets. As people recover from the astonishing sight that covered the sky, chatter starts back up again from the surrounding restaurants, as more alcohol is consumed it gets louder and louder. Talking turns into yelling mixed in with some drunk singing. At this point most people head home and a blanket of quiet falls over the town. The faint sound of the bass from a nightclub in the distance could still be heard.
The emptiness of the town brings with it a sense of calm. Nothing but the sound of waves splattering on the sand and the odd bird song. Standing on the shoreline the sand fills the gaps between my toes before its washed away by the next wave over and over again.
2 Comments
Add Yours →Hi Taane,
– make sure each sentence gives rise to the next. In places it feels listed, rather than a cohesive whole
– vary sentence lengths for greater effect
– avoid repetitive word choices in close succession
Keep building the feel of the scene, so that I can be transported to it via your writing.
Make sure you continue to address July 21st’s feedback.
Also:
– ensure each sentence makes sense
– Work on finding the icons of the scene and capturing these in your writing.
– continue to go over every sentence, every word choice, every image, to ensure they drive the piece towards a polished ‘whole’.